Saturday, April 15, 2006

Hitler Youth Shows Us The Way

This new Pope is a real card.

Here’s a guy who spends his teen years as a Nazi Youth (go look it up) and now Herr Pope-und-Shit wants to ruin the Easter Egg hunt by reminding us that the world is an evil place.

You’d swear he’s been watching his share of Phillies baseball after reading some of his rants for Good Friday:

“Lord, we have lost our sense of sin,” the big Kraut blustered. “Today a slick campaign of propaganda is spreading an inane apologia of evil, a senseless cult of Satan, a mindless desire for transgression, a dishonest and frivolous freedom, exalting impulsiveness, immorality and selfishness as if they were new heights of sophistication.”

Now I know Gavin Floyd was a little stuck on the Mandisa picture, but that’s overdoing it, doncha think Benedict? I mean, the holy cards from St. Jude’s weren’t working, and it ain’t like that fat broad was Satan…or is it?

“Where is Jesus in the agony of our own time, in the division of our world into belts of prosperity and belts of poverty?” the Vicar of Hitler asked. “In one room they are concerned about obesity, in the other, they are begging for charity?”

Well, evidently the Phils aren’t a Catholic organization, because not only did they play ball on Good Friday, they hit about as well as they have all season, winners of a 10-8 battle to the bitter end at Coors Field, the home of the team that wears “little girls blouses” according to the Old Lady, who came down from her nap to witness the liberation of Phillies baserunners on homers by Aaron Rowand, Pat Burrell and Chase Utley, who had two, one of which was a grand salami.

So much for the pope’s schnitzel.


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