Saturday, May 13, 2006

Ach Du Lieber!

Jon Lieber puked on the plane to Cincinnati, and all I know is that somebody better keep him sick.

Poison his chicken with salmonella, inject a virus into his wienerschnitzel – anything to keep him pitching like he did tonight against the Reds. He may have been hurling chunks today, but what he was throwing at the Reds was perfect for nearly seven innings, allowing only two hits before being lifted with one out to go in the ninth.

“I got sick off Mama’s possum pie when I was a boy and hit three homers with throw-up down my jersey,” said Backwoods Chollie after the 2-0 shutout. “Gettin’ sick ain’t nothing. When I played in Japan, I ate fish sperm and chucked ‘fore everah game.”

Gastronomic memories aside, Chollie had to be delighted with Herr Lieber’s masterpiece, as the sinkerballer goosestepped through the Reds’ vaunted lineup like a Kruppstahl tank through the Polish cavalry. With pinpoint precision, he set down the first 20 batters before Ubermensch Adam Dunn shot a ball through the middle for a single. The other hit should never have happened. Ninth-inning defensive replacement David Dellucci fucked up a fly ball to left field off the bat of Ken Griffey, allowing it to ride over his glove like an errant meatball. Fortunately, Griffey was so self-consumed he thought he was watching a homerun. Because of his masturbatory blunder, he was held to a single.

Lieber was done, and Arthur Rhodes came in to allow another hit to make it slightly interesting, but the threat was futile. The Phils posted their second shutout of the week, and continue their impressive resurrection in the NL East, heaving and leaving vomit all the while.


Anonymous ChuckM said...

Very good. Here I was griping about Lieber and his "ceiling" and he goes out and shreds through the lineup of a team that is at the top of nearly every offensive category in their own hitter-friendly park. It was like if you got up to take a piss, by the time you were back the order was set down 1-2-3...Uncle Chollys experiment with Delucci as 9th inning defensive replacement didnt work as even Burrell could have lined that ball up and made the play without risking his nose. I like Junior Griffey and consider him the most prodigious modern-day slugger w/o the taint of 'roids, but his habit of "admiring his work" is a bit much, especially considering that it was a chip shot rather than a blast and if the ball had left the park, the Redlegs were still down a run with 2 outs. After some 500+ homeruns, does Griffey still have to stand there and watch every one go out? I guess Junior never learned from that time in 2003 when he limped on one leg into 2nd base and ended up back on the DL after injuring is hammy due to admiring his work and having to overaccelerate in order to avoid one of those embarrassing "long singles"... So, Phils keep rolling, 12 of the last 13 and this with Rollins and Abreu slumping at the plate (although Bobby does at least get onboard) and Burrells continued "performance anxiety" or "cant get any wood" with RISP. Skinhead Brett on the hill today, a sweep in Cincy would be a feat and if last nights outing by Lieber shows that he is getting into a groove, the Phillies
top 3 of of Lieber, Myers and Hamels looks pretty formidiable

14/5/06 10:54 AM  

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