Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Banging A Buffalo


It was the one day of five that is the sure thing in Team Psycho’s rotation, a quality start from Brett Myers. He didn’t disappoint.

How nice it is to get a day off from the torment of pathetically inconsistent pitching, the hallmark of the team’s misbegotten start. So relaxing was Myer’s road to the 4-2 win, your host drifted off to sleep, and if I were a Mormon, I’d say I had a revelatory dream.

Shortly after Corky Abreu’s three-run homer, a buffalo appeared, or rather, a buffalo’s brown ass backed into me and showed me its vagina. Then, with some otherworldly pearly white spunk, I impregnated the beast. I don’t remember if I washed my hands.

The next thing I know, Bobby Knight (yes, the college basketball coach), appeared and was standing in a wainscoted café drinking an espresso. He didn’t say a word to me, but something told me to keep my distance, as he was more dangerous than the buffalo.

Finally, my Old Lady materialized, and to allay any fears about what I had done to the buffalo, she proffered a pile of gleaming ebony mussel shells, which she had been offering for sale. Then the next thing I knew, I was awake and saw Brett Myers work a walk to force in a run in the seventh.

What does it all mean? Beats the hell out of me. Maybe it’s the heat. Maybe it’s all the dead animals I’ve been eating. All I know is that I’m perfectly willing to manually inseminate a buffalo every day if it means an end to this torture at the hands of the Phillies

1 Comments:

Anonymous ChuckM said...

I am enjoying these take-care-of-business wins. You know, its been so long since the Phillies had a real stopper (Curt Schilling) that we have all got to the point where if a starting pitcher labors through 6-7 innings and keeps it at 4 runs or less, we are all happy and consider it a sucessful outing. Starters going into the 8th thru CG has been a rarity. If somebody was to take a piece of paper with yearly ERA totals of Phillies starters from 2003 to date, left the names blank, and just put #1 SP: XXX ERA, #2 SP etc. on it, when anybody would see these numbers, the first thing that would come to mind is "Only the 2005 Yankees could get into the playoffs with starters with these ERAs". I dont know if Gillick can pull a rabbit out of his hat as far as bolstering the 2006 rotation via trade, but hopefully by 2007 the Phils will have the top-fight starter in Myers, Hamels will be a serious impact pitcher, a solid FA pitcher acquired via trade/free-agency, Jon Lieber finishes out his contact as a #4 starter and who knows as far as #5
(maybe Floyds testes will drop by then, Maybe Madson emerges this season, maybe Gio Gonzalez takes the next step up). Really, the Phillies arent likely to get over that 86-88 win hump until they have a rotation with at least 1 (if not 2) top-tier starters and overall rotation depth and consistancy.

31/5/06 12:28 AM  

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