Wednesday, May 24, 2006

A Prolonged Agony

The Team Succubus sat next to Chollie last night and sucked out what was left of his countrified pea brain.

Fans watching this 5 ½-hour New York agony were left to wonder why he left the de-steroided Ryan Franklin in to piss away a three-run lead with four outs to go against the Mets, no slouches on offense. But your miserable host here knows it was that bitch with the horns and tail, it had to have been, because even the kids in Little League know when to bring in Flash Gordon.

“Good thing the bars stay open until four in the morning,” Chollie told me after the 16-inning marathon, a true exercise in masochism. “Can you believe it? I mean, I could go to a private club after and keep on drinkin’ ‘til tomorrey’s battin’ practice.”

Old Backwoods probably wasn’t the only member of Team Fightless to need a tightener or twelve after the game, a devastating 9-8 loss. After forging a four-run lead in the top of the fifth, two disgustingly lazy fielding mistakes in the bottom of the next frame by our beloved corner outfielders set up the Mets’ first resurgence, capped by AARP member Julio Franco’s two-out double. The lead was shaved to a run, and it was 6-5 at the end of the inning. Scared Shitless Gavin Floyd had been lifted, and the rest was up to the bullpen. But the Phils were still ahead, and I was contemplating all the angry phone calls to be made the next day to the Burger King on WIP calling for a trade of our two miscreant outfielders, Baby Girl Burrell and Corky Abreu. But again, the Phils were still ahead and I banished those thoughts.

Things were looking up again after Dingdong David Bell hit a two-run double, and coupled with an earlier three-run homer, I was all set to disavow any accusations that Tacony Lou thinks he’s washed up and should be put out to pasture where he could impregnate young horsies and make more Baby Bells. He drove in five tonight, but he left six stranded. The double made it 8-5, and those were “big time” runs as the Voice of God, Harry Kalas, intoned, and I banished those nasty thoughts again.

The butchery in the eighth inning ended all those misplaced good feelings. I should have known better. Endy Chavez, who couldn't button his uniform when he was with the Phils last year – let alone hit – stepped up to the plate against Franklin with a .290 average. Two outs, nobody on.

The devastation began. Ryan “Howitzer” Howard, who’s been shaky all season in the field, fielded a Chavez chip shot to his right, hesitated, and Franklin took the stuttered toss and dropped it. The fastest Mets baserunner was at first, and the next batter naturally doubled to left and the fleet Chavez ripped around the bases to score. The hitter, Chris Woodward stood on second, and still, Chollie just leaned into the dugout's padded railing and stared like a farm boy contemplating bestiality.

The next batter, Jose Reyes, looked like a drunk swatting at mosquitoes against Floyd in his previous at-bars. Against Franklin, he looked like Babe Ruth, swatting an ankle-high pitch toward the No. 7 train platform past right field.

“I truly thought this game was in the bag,” Kalas lamentably cried.

Little did Harry know, but this baby was another eight innings – and two hours -- from being over.

The 16-inning contest was the longest in the majors this season and, thanks to Sludgemaster Steve Trachsel, the Mets starter (see previous post) it would have been an easy 3 ½-hour endurance test if it had lasted nine innings.

Ryan Madson shouldn’t worry about playing with a hangover tomorrow. He worked seven innings of four-hit relief, the longest stint out of the pen for a Phillie since 1991. If only he had pitched as well when he was a starter. He lost the game on a Carlos Beltran homerun – technically, that is, because what lost the game for the Phillies was Chollie’s refraining to use Flash Gordon, and all those hitters who left runners on base before the game got to that point.

The defense has been shaky at best, with Abreu and Burrell seemingly knee-high in pig slop. They cost the team runs, and their hooker quota needs to be reduced. Maybe the Team Succubus can see to that.


Anonymous ChuckM said...

Oh man, where do you start on that BP mismanagement last night? Couldnt Geary have come out for the 7th after facing one batter in the 6th? Was a sharp looking Arthur Rhodes that weary after 7 pitches that he couldnt come out and start the 8th? What was the assigned 8th inning guy doing in the 7th and vice-versa? Why wasnt Gordon warming up as soon as Chavez was on base? Woodward should have been the last batter Franklin faced and Flash brought on for the 4-out op. Just awful, especially after seeing that Manuel has actually played his pen pretty well this year. I'll give Floyd his credit. Had it not been for a ham-fisted 1st-baseman, crippled LF and a RF who seized as soon as he hit he warning track, he would have probably had at least a 6 IP 2 run quality start. Worst loss of the season. Man, the Phillies better get it in gear tonight as now we are talking 6 losses in last 7 games with the only win being a game that Tito Francona practically conceded to them.

24/5/06 7:03 PM  

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