Tuesday, May 09, 2006

We're Your Daddy, Mets Fans


It must be tough living in New Brunswick and being a Mets fan.

There you are, stuck between Philly and New York, and there’s no Number 7 train to take you to Queens. You have to pump your SUV with $75 worth of gas, drive through the sludgy turnpike traffic, pay two tolls, then go through Manhattan just to get stuck in another traffic jam all the way to Flushing. For all that hassle, you get to sit in Shea’s concrete shit circle full of other Mets fans.

What a drag.

You know what’s gotta be worse, though? Trudging all the way down the turnpike to Philly (I’m sure most of Metsdom don’t know the shortcut) just to watch your team blow a come-from-behind tie with no baserunners on and two outs in the ninth inning tonight.

That must be fucking miserable!

This is the first of nine parties slated for the season in Philly, which is a fuck of a lot easier to deal with than the Tower of Babel that Queens has become. Maybe that's why so many New Yorkers are moving here, yet continue to wear the enemy's regalia. Like an unwanted fraternity student at a dive bar, Mets fans – the definition of front-runners -- come to wreak havoc inside our ballpark, and have for years (they’re the ones who left the urine stink at the Vet), especially when their team is on top. More often than not, their team is on top as ours is bottoming out. This year is different. It will be a fight to the finish with them, and, making it even more interesting, Billy Wagner is their fireman. (More on him tomorrow.)

An infusion of cable cash has allowed the team to buy a contender at the same time that the Phils are still competitive but, not unlike a drunk frat boy, our Fightins’ have trouble consummating. This problem afflicts the Mets, too, but the fans are obnoxious, arrogant assholes anyhow. They have an entitled air about them that makes you want to puke your Yeungling down their backs. They also feel they have a license to come to South Philly, piss in the parking lot and start fights, which sometimes are more entertaining than the games when the combatants all have the same haircut.

This game itself was worth the price of admission. Future Hall of Famer Pedro Martinez, who will never have to work a day in his life when he’s through thanks to New York Money, pitched well but was touched for three runs in the bottom of the second inning, and that’s all most thought the Phils would need considering Brett Myers was better. He allowed but a two-run homer in the eighth to Xavier Nady, then recovered to retire the side and leave it to Flash Gordon in the ninth after the Phils tagged on an insurance run to make it 4-2.

Flash almost cost us the game, surrendering a two-run homer to Carlos Delgado, who the Mets scooped up in the Marlins fire sale because they shit gold bricks and Jeffrey Loria is anal retentive.

Tied in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and diminishing expectations, David Dellucci tripled to keep hope alive. The Fish Lady of 9th Street evidently was smiling upon our paisano yesterday. Then, the energy vortex opened up, as a walk and a hit batter loaded them up for Bobby Abreu. The Home Run Derby champ, fraught with insecurity during a week-long slump, hit a little dribbler to Mets pitcher Aaron Heilman, who made a complete ass out of himself throwing it away at first.

The Phils won, 5-4, and that’s nine straight and counting. The cars with the Jersey license plates took the long way home. Hopefully, they didn't buy any real estate before they left the city.

1 Comments:

Anonymous ChuckM said...

Man, that was a exciting game. I have to admit that I was downcast with 2 outs in the 9th and Ryan Franklin set for the tenth against the top of the order (Franklin hasnt quite earned my trust yet). It would have been crushing to see Myers outpitch Paydro and the Phils end up losing. Great job by Myers. The HR he gave up to Nady was a result of good hitting rather than a grooved or hung pitch. I am disappointed at the timing of Gordons first real bed-shitting. Delgado is an elite hitter, but Flash didnt have his stuff last night at all. Hopefully
his next off night will be against a non-rival in the third game of a series the Phils have taken. Nice to see Delucci starting to make himself useful and a big cheer to Shane "The Flyin' Hawaiian" Victorino for barreling over LoDuca. I also recall watching Victorino barrel into a Rockies pitcher who tug him out at first base on an infield grounder (none of that pussyshit A-Rod chop crap) and this type of play will make one a Phan Phave.

10/5/06 11:49 AM  

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