Sunday, June 11, 2006

Be They Ever So Humbled

I question whether the Fightless consider Philadelphia home sweet home. Here they are, coming off a 20-game run with no rest, a stretch that yielded ten wins and ten losses, culminating in an 11-game transcontinental road trip. Do you think they must be bone-tired and longing for the familiar clime of Hostile City?

Yeah, right. Granted, it’s good to come home and play hide the salami with the wife or paramour, but then they have to head back out into the June jungle when they leave the manses. The cholesterol-fed, blue-collar bred fans will stare at them and point. They will not be able to order a Geno’s cheesesteak in Spanish (not to mention whatever language Chollie speaks). They will click on the car radio and, in the spirit of the megalopolis dweller, will listen to the maladroit musings of New York sports talk show hosts seeking ways to trade them to the Yankees, or worse, tune into the local version and hear how much we want Dontrelle Willis and who should be exiled to the Marlins to get him in a trade.

That must be painful.

When they have finished collecting themselves tomorrow on their off day and ponder how they managed to get shut out in Washington, 6-0, on only three hits against an also-ran with a reconstructed shoulder, I’m sure they’ll attribute it to the drain of the road. But let’s face it. The locals here are harder on this team than any Angelino or Phoenician are on theirs, and with damn good reason.

They are consistently, frustratingly, teasingly, tragically fucking MEDIOCRE.

Let’s hope they find the right elixir in Philly, because Team Vomit goes right back to work against the Mets and Tom Glavine Tuesday. The ongoing experiment that is Ryan Madson squares off against an old master who has seemed to respond to the Mets’ reinvigorated offense with a 9-2 record. Matter of fact, he’s hitting .300 himself.

Meanwhile, the clock – or maybe the time bomb – is ticking.

After the Mets series, a three-game sequence that, if they are swept, could find the Phils in a deep ten-game hole in the loss column, they are slated to play six of the next nine games against the Yanks and the Red Sox. The Devil Rays offer (hopefully) comic relief after the Mets series, but with this team, nothing is a gimme.

And that’s just the problem when you have bad starting pitching. Today against the Gnats, Cole Hamels had his worst start of the year, surrendering a few ill-timed walks which put runners on for the top of the not D.C. lineup, which proceeded to score them with two doubles. Hamels is a rookie and I’ll write it off to experience, but it’s a shutout loss nonetheless against a nobody pitcher and a shaky bullpen. Of course, it didn’t help having Baby Girl Burrell misjudge a liner that screamed over his glove.

Which leads us back to the burning question this season: Would you trade one of the outfielders for a pitcher?

Welcome home, guys. Now say “Cheesesteak wid” or leave town.


Anonymous ChuckM said...


You will gbe happy to know that I ended up not taking a Chinatown or any other bus down to DC to witness this utter disgrace of a game. No problem with Hamels and his 8 Ks, big problem with the runs given up in the field and the lack of offense. I cant be bothered getting into an angry venting rant, but will say that this team may very well sweep the Mutts this week and turn around and get clocked by Tampon Bay.

12/6/06 1:24 AM  
Blogger Tacony Lou said...

Or worse, lose two of three to the Mets and, like the burn-out cases they are, proceed to get swept by the Rays. They'll face Kazmir in that series, and I do not envision the Phils winning that one, considering their historically rotten record against young pitchers.

12/6/06 1:47 PM  

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