Monday, July 24, 2006

SELL! SELL! SELL!


I will say this for Flash Gordon: He’s making a case to stay a Phillie. He sure doesn’t look like good trade bait anymore.

Friday night, he let Tomahawker Jeff Francouer – who has all of eight walks this season and swings at garbage – beat him for a two-run homer in the ninth. No harm there. Gordon had a three-run lead and proceeded to sew that one up. Phils 6, Braves 5.

Last night, old Flash served up a three-run bomb to Francouer, who somehow has 69 RBI despite an on-base percentage of .288. That must tie the sabermetric geeks up in knots. To say the guy gets timely hits goes without saying, and his homer tonight in the ninth won the game for the Braves, 5-1. He may swing at trash, but he hits it.

Atlanta scored five runs on five hits; the Phils had 11 hits, yet could only manage one measly run. They left a collective 13 runners on base. Meanwhile, accused wife-beater Brett Myers’ return to the mound in Philly was a resounding success. He hurled one of his best games of the season and entered the top of the ninth with a three hitter. However, his inept offense had kept the game knotted at 1-1.

Fellow wife-beater Bobby Cox, who made the mistake of of getting beat by keeping the wrong pitcher late in the game Friday, must’ve salivated seeing his criminal peer sweating and laboring in the ninth, because Chollie was making the same mistake tonight. Myers was spent. Before you could say “Mike Tyson was railroaded,” Myers had relinquished the lead and Team Phutile was looking at a 2-1 deficit.

Chollie, his head bobbling like a six-foot figurine, came shuffling out of the dugout and took the ball from Myers, who doffed his cap to applauding fans as he exited. Who says Philly is an unforgiving place?

But Gordon took care of all those good vibes, throwing a fatty to Francouer, the reincarnation of Manny Sanguillen, and it was OVER. Does anyone expect this team to recover from a four-run deficit in the ninth? That’s as likely as Bobby Abreu’s progressively fattening ass hustling up a double in the eighth – which didn’t happen, courtesy of a perfect assist from (guess who?) Jeff Fucking Francouer. Abreu helped Frenchy out, as replays showed him tanking it around the bend at first. Ironically, replays also showed Comedulce to be safe, as the throw beat him, yet he maneuvered his engorged body away from the tag and put his hand on the bag before he was touched. But if he had put more of an effort into it in the first place, he would have beaten the throw and the ump would most likely have given him the call.

Please, let me hear again how the critics are wrong when they say this guy dogs it. Then tell Bill James to invent the stat for that one.

The ESPN telecast had its interesting moments, aside from Joe Morgan’s asserting that Pat Gillick brought Ruben Amaro Jr. with him as an assistant GM. (He’s Ed Wade’s old buttboy). The new rumor has Pat Burrell going to the Cardinals. The last trade the Phils made with Walt Jocketty was when he ass-raped Wade in the Scott Rolen deal. I wait with baited breath.

Maybe the Cards will send a case of Bud over for Burrell; certainly, Francouer is worth more, as he now has NINE more RBIs than our alleged cleanup hitter, this despite being primarily the seventh-hole hitter behind the Joneses, Chipper and Andruw, who take advantage of the ample RBI opportunities in front of them a helluva lot more often than Baby Girl.

5 Comments:

Anonymous ChuckM said...

I dont think Abreu "dogged" it as much as he pulled up a bit rounding first trying to make up his mind whether to go for the 2-bagger and made the wrong choice. Francouer is pretty adept at cutting off balls in the gap, has a cannon and its best not to challenge him. If you do, you better make up your mind quicker than Bobby did last night. Abreu should have stayed at first, but then he would have gotten bagged on for not trying to stretch it into a double. As far as Francouer at the plate, the fact that he is a hacker means that you dont have to throw him meatballs the way Flash did twice in a row. Francouer does hit well with RISP, therefore, he works out pretty well batting 6th
and that as long as he keeps driving in men on base, his own OB% in that batting order isnt as much of a factor. As far as the Phloppins, yet another display of how they cant put one foot in front of the other. Bats rock, pitching blows...get a good outing from a starter, the bats go cold. ho hum...

24/7/06 5:57 PM  
Anonymous chuckm said...

correction- Francouers HR last night wasnt due to a Flash meatball, Francouer just pulled a Vlad Guerrero and golfed one at his ankles.

24/7/06 7:57 PM  
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