Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Yo Gnats: I Got Your Derailment Right Here!

I would have shared my lamentations yesterday with you, dear reader, as they were multifarious and horrible, but the monster that hosts this publishing service was about as useful as Baby Girl Burrell. You know what I mean – just when you think it’ll start functioning as expected, it lets you down, then you try again, it frustrates you, until you finally say “Fuck it!” and give it all a rest, hoping that’ll solve the problem. Worse comes to worse, you can always replace it. All things considered, it’s better than Burrell, because it won’t set me back $9 million just to disappoint me. It’s free.

But back to more pressing matters. See, after that Gene Mauch dream, and after watching the Astros beat the Phils yesterday, I’m sorry to say the impending sense of doom is returning. Our next opponent, the Washington Nationals, was involved in a train derailment on the Amtrak last night, and that only forebodes bad things for Team Psycho. You know the old baseball saying: Unlucky on trains, lucky against Philly.

But the Gnats will have to use that advantage without the specter of the Larry Bowa Family egging it on the field. Bowa nephew Nick Johnson is out for the year with a broken leg. You’d think that would be an advantage. That beefy bugger can hit.

Then there’s the pitching matchups. Tonight, Brett Myers faces off – did I just use a hockey analogy? Yeah, I did – faces off against the ever-lasting and brilliant Ramon Ortiz, who has served up 31 homers this year. You’d think that would be an advantage for a team whose top six hitters in the lineup average 26.7 this season.

And if you were a betting man, you’d have to say Cole Hamels and Jon Lieber stack up nicely against Pedro Astacio and Mike O’Connor. You’d think.

But, alas, this is the Phillies. I half expect Frank Robinson to start a beanball war just for old times’ sake. He’s practically out the door. He’s 71. He’s tired. He’s never won a thing as a manager.

But worst of all, he was standing at the plate when Chico Ruiz stole home against the Phillies in the sixth inning of a game on Monday, September 21, 1964. The Reds won, 1-0. For the Phils, it was the first of ten straight losses, the beginning of the Mauch Mens’ historic collapse.

Fuck you, Frank Robinson.

27 Comments:

Anonymous Bill said...

Well, we were robbed of a win first by the umpires and then by un-clutch hitting.

Maybe Frank read your blog and earned sympathy points from the umpires (or from the Phillies).

My stomach is turning.

26/9/06 10:30 PM  
Anonymous ChuckM said...

If the Phillies end up losing out by one game or losing a one-game playoff, this phantom HR will go down in Phillies lore forever. I am not for having umpires reviewing plays on videotape but do not see any reason why foul poles cannot be equipped with sensors that would indicate to the respective umpire if a ball touched it.

26/9/06 11:06 PM  
Anonymous Bill said...

That's a good idea, Chuck.

I, too, am against instant replay in baseball, because I believe it all evens out in the end, but you have to be able to tell if a ball hits the foul pole.

Heck, the thing rebounded sharply off of it. If it hit the wall, it would have lost most of its momentum on impact and would have caromed less sharply.

Who's more to blame: the Phillies or the umpire(s) who blew the 3-run homerun call? Or the Phillies for not arguing?

26/9/06 11:26 PM  
Anonymous JG said...

Here it comes, the inevitable kick in the fucking nuts. The question is how will it go down. Will they keep us hanging on til Sunday or simply tank in Washington and make the trip to Florida nothing more than a South Beach vacation?

Nevertheless I hold out hope that a Philly team will someday grab an opportunity by the throat and succeed in strangling the life out of the competition.

26/9/06 11:34 PM  
Anonymous jdm said...

I don't care about the stinking fair pole call; it was in the second inning for god's sake, and we weren't up against Oswalt. No, its that there are natural winners and losers, the natural order of things. This team from Manual on down talk about being in control of their own destiny and then promptly go out and do things that clearly make them look like they are scared to actually be in control. They are playing down to their opponents level, and it is beginning to look for the Phillies like another Pat Burrell at bat...

27/9/06 9:33 AM  
Anonymous Bill said...

When will Manuel learn that Burrell's best position is sitting on the bench?

I've been a Burrell supporter since he came up, and even through the current turmoil he's found himself in with the city of Philadelphia, but his at-bats are getting more and more Little League-ish. It's like he goes up there LOOKING to walk, instead of trying to drive the ball.

27/9/06 10:32 AM  
Blogger George said...

Regarding the Phils for not arguing - I was at the game last night sitting way too close to home. I did not have any line of sight to the foul pole, especially because I was on the first base side, and once everybody stands up to watch it go, that's it. But Charlie did argue.

After the inning was over.

And it wasn't even Charlie being Charlie. It was, I think, the tamest conversation I've ever seen that man have with an umpire, and this includes while double-switching.

I'm leaving work at 5 to hop on the Metro to head to RFK yet again. It's tonight or never, as far as I'm concerned.

27/9/06 3:28 PM  
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